pliers slipped out of my hand and blinded my deaf cat

Don't worry about my cat. She's a lamp, and so is fine as long as I buy a new bulb (non-eco friendly variety) every once in a while.

I figured it's time to buckle down and let you know you can take a breather. I've got two handfulls of crap to say, and so let's get cutting?

First: Politics:

Is it just me, or did those damned wigs come back to fashion. Every time I fantasize about spending a chilly weekend in a courtroom circa 1880 I see the things on all the best judges' heads. I'm no arbiter of cool, I simply decide what's cool. So you'll excuse me if I find the whole powdery mess supremely unappetizing.

Second: Who Gets My Vote? (Politics Part 2):

Due to the frantic scrubbing of my knotty-kneed grandmother of a lawyer it appears I've been granted (along with only a few dozen other citizens) the right to determine this nation's next president. I like that one guy, the one with the legs of a gopher and the head of a hammer. But he lives in my kitchen and I'm not sure he's got the gumption, or the desire for "change", so clearly craved by this nation of fornicators. Next: I guess if someone wants my vote they're going to have to start pandering to me.

Third: What I like for Dessert (Politics Part 3):
(Note: My glasses, which are much too strong for me perfect eyes and therefore leave me nearly blind when wearing them, are fogging up and I'm not sure if I'm typing right now or performing hasty and unnecessary surgery on my hat-headed cousin. Don't worry! He's a robot. And not even my first-cousin. (Sorry for screaming.)) !

I try to skip dessert (the Olympics approach and I have a lot of snacking to do while I watch people swim), but I'm no superhero (despite the spiderwebs so menacingly draped over the bulk of my body), and so, two or three times a day, I indulge. Maybe six or seven nice strips of bacon to sweeten up the palate after a strenous meal. Tip: Make a stack of candybars and jump on them and you'll get crap all over your feet: End-Tip.

Fourth: Politics (Politics Part 4)

I'm a person with a computer. So don't get any ideas. You might have seen my around: I read a bunch of stuff on the computer. There's three or four pretty good websites out there. Look around, you'll see. I don't mean to sound ominous.

Final words: umbridge, calypso, and space-cadet