v.d.

That's right politics-people, it's v.d. Hope you've stimulated the economy in a love-inducing fashion on this fine day. Now, on to politics.

If you're a baseball fan then you might be aware that pitchers and catchers reported to spring training today. Spring training is a place is northern Montana where baseball players recite poetry from midnight to dawn in an effort to strengthen their rhyme-schemes in preparation for a grueling schedule including more than just the typical 49 baseball contests all teams must grind through. Minds and bodies must be toughened to a leathery-sheen for all the extra-marital activities such a grind requires. Tolerances to illegal drugs must be built up, acquintances must be made with all the new strip-club faces, and of course one must brace themselves for the dreary conversations and illegitimate-child-related bribes with all the old faces, except bouncers and bartenders. But new cell phone numbers to new premium hookups must be acquired. If you haven't already obtained your steriods and Hgh then should probably start prepping for another season in the minor leagues, where your strip club and drug budget will be laughable compared to the big boys. But it isn't all nudity and drugs, baseballers all over the country have, starting today, begun to do light exercises: up to a dozen toe-touches...brace yourself...in a single morning. In coming weeks batsmen will begin to take late afternoon walks, should the sun not prove too punishing to their hung-over heads. Pitchers (people who throw the ball in baseball games) will throw balls in order to build up the strength needed to engage in fisticuffs with disrespecting night-club patrons. Baseball coaches, or "managers," will play high-stakes poker and smoke thousand-dollar cigars in a mansion hidden by a Florida swamp. Tony La Russa will win their money, and, like every year, burn it in a bbq pit while his peers laugh in their shared dog-ear piercing tone. The men will be seperated from the boys in a lengthy process that consists entirely of moving everyone over the age of eighteen to one side of the room. Spring is in the air?

Final words: men, ribald, and telephone